Learning to Feel
by kira66
Summary: Months after Tosh and Owen's death things have not gone back to normal for Torchwood. Both Gwen and Ianto are feeling disillusioned with their fearless leader. Can a suggestion from Gwen help the two surviving members feel like their old selves?


"Ianto have you seen Jack?" Gwen Cooper-Williams asked as she emerged from the cells wiping her hands on a half dirty rag.

"He got a phone call and mumbled something about not being back until Monday." Ianto Jones, former teaboy turned full fledged member of the recently decimated Torchwood Three, answered from the lounge area where he was in the process of cleaning up a weeks' worth of empty pizza boxes and half empty Chinese cartons. Wrinkling his nose, he tossed a rather rank smelling carton of what could have possible been Lo Mein into the already bulging garbage bag.

Gwen frowned as she tossed the rag onto her already overcrowded desk; she ignored the folders that were forced off her desk by the rag and onto the floor. "What about the prisoner? Better yet what about the case?" She asked as she joined him in cleaning up the accumulated mess.

Ianto didn't reply for a moment as he tied off the full bag and opened another. "Jack hasn't been acting himself lately." He answered honestly. "I guess he figures we can handle things." He crammed several day old newspapers into the bag followed by a group of empty drink containers.

"He expects too much of us Ianto." Gwen told him quietly. "I think sometimes he forgets that it's just us now and…." She sighed in frustration as she took the bag from Ianto and tied it off, placing it next to the other three. At least the lounge area looked and smelled cleaner than it had. Taking a moment she looked around the silent hub; so much had changed since the fateful day that they had lost not just Tosh but Owen as well. _And it was all because of Jack_. A cynical part of her mind always managed to whisper when thinking of her fallen comrades and friends. "If he isn't going to be back until Monday then neither will we!" She resolved coming out of her thoughts as sudden as she retreated into them. "Come on." She tugged Ianto towards their workstations so they could gather their things and leave.

Having no choice but to follow his friend, Ianto grabbed his coat off the back of his chair and waited for Gwen to join him at the cog door.

Gwen smiled when she saw Ianto waiting for her. She had been half afraid that he'd decline to leave but was glad he didn't. It was high time she introduced him to her newest hobby. "How about we grab something to eat then see where this fine Friday night takes us?"

Ianto regarded Gwen surprised that she was inviting him out instead of heading home to Rhys. "Alright as long as it isn't pizza or Chinese. I don't think my stomach can take much more of either." He told her with a small smile. The journey to the tourist shop was quiet but as soon as he locked up it seemed that both of them had numerous things to talk about; ranging from cricket and football to the latest fashion trends that seemed to be sweeping through Cardiff and London.

The car ride to the Thai restaurant was spent arguing over the many uses of Velcro, neither had any idea how they came to that subject, and the meal was spend discussing current events. And not once, since leaving the Hub, did they discuss work or Jack.

"It's my treat." Gwen waved off his offer to pay; it had been her idea after all. She laid down her credit card and waited for the waitress to return. "So….do you have any plans now? Or for the weekend?" It was rare that they had any time off now that they were short handed and Jack refused to even consider recruiting any new bodies for the team.

"A date with a carton of double chocolate delight and old reruns of Monty Python on the telly, I imagine." Ianto told her. He leaned back in his chair and tried to get his tense muscles to relax but gave up when they refused to cooperate. "What about you? Going to be spending the weekend with Rhys?"

"Rhys is off visiting his parents until next week. Since I haven't been home much he decided now was the time to catch up with his family." Gwen smiled as the waitress brought back her card and receipt. "Thanks!" She tucked both away in her bag then leaned back in her chair. "I know this place….I found it a couple of weeks after Tosh and Owen….Anyways I find that it helps me relax." She looked at him expectantly.

Ianto didn't understand what she was trying to say. "You can drop me at my flat or I can just call a cab."

Gwen's smile dimmed slightly. "I was hoping that you'd join me." She dropped her eyes to look at the table top. "I thought that'd you'd benefit from going just as much as I do."

"I….Sure. Not like I got anything else to be doing." Ianto told her and he couldn't help but smile when hers returned in full force.

"Great!" Gwen pulled out her phone quickly sent off a text message then lead Ianto out to the parking lot and her car. "It's down by the docks and we should make it in time for it to just be opening. That's the best time to arrive." She was practically bouncing as she unlocked her car and slid into the driver's side.

Ianto couldn't help feel excited it was like Gwen's cheerful mood was contagious and he caught it full force. "So is it a club?" He asked sometime later as they approached the docks and all the abandoned buildings that lined it.

Gwen gave him a mysterious smile as she pulled in next to one of the buildings that had only recently been abandoned because the shipping company had gone belly up after some bad investments. "Something like that." She told him as she exited her car and headed around back.

More than a little curious, Ianto followed after her. "Something like that? What's that suppose to mean?" He asked when he finally caught up with her. He was surprised to see two lines of people waiting to enter the building. He was even more surprised when Gwen led them to the shortest and fastest moving line of the two.

"It means that tonight you and I get to forget that the world we live in is full of monsters that really do want to eat your face." Gwen told him as they approached the front of the line and a man that appeared to be taking money. Digging in her pocket, she removed four crumpled fifty pound notes and handed them to the burly Irishman watching the door. She held out her hand and motioned for Ianto to do the same. "Is there any _news_ entering tonight, Sean?" She asked the man after he stamped their hands.

"Handful so far." The man, Sean, answered in a thick accent. "You entering this one?" He questioned as he eyed Ianto.

Gwen nodded, enthusiastically. "Enter him in the _news _but I would imagine he'll be in my category before the night is over." She leaned closer to Sean. "Never judge of a book by its cover or have you forgotten my first night?" Not letting him answer, she pulled Ianto inside.

Ianto was confused and it only rose as Gwen conversed with the Irishman. Blinking, he felt himself tugged inside and that's where his confusion tripled; there was no sign of _anybody. _"What exactly is this place Gwen?" He asked as she led him deeper into the industrial building. He could hear screaming, yelling, and cheering but it sounded so far away.

"I already told you." Gwen answered as she continued to led him through the maze of corridors and finally into a room that had lockers lining ever inch of free wall space. "This is where _we_ get to feel human." She stepped up to a group of lockers closest to them and began to empty her pockets into one of them; her mobile, keys, money, and engagement/wedding rings all went inside. "Come then, live a little."

Still confused Ianto began to do that same using the locker right beside hers. Only while he was emptying his pockets did he realize that her locker contained other items like bloody bandages, a water bottle, half clean towel, and what looked like a tooth. After he crammed his coat and suit jacket into the locker he confronted her. "What is this place Gwen? How are we going to feel human here?"

Gwen sighed and after removing all her lose items she closed her locker and removed the key doing the same to Ianto's. She took the keys to a man sitting in the corner then returned to her friend. "It's easier to show you than to try and explain." She motioned for him to follow her out of the room and down another corridor. As the noise got closer the quicker she seemed to move until finally the corridor emptied into a gigantic room that had a large cage in the center.

Ianto frowned at the sight; it was almost identical to the place where Owen had left a Weevil maul him. The only difference was that there was no Weevil in the cage with the men….He looked closer to the fighting going on and corrected himself….There was no Weevil in the cage with the men _and _women. It was just pure human savagery going on. "Why are we here?" He looked at his friend closely. "Why are _you_ here Gwen?"

Looking away from the fight that had just begun Gwen gave her friend a serious look. "Because I blame Jack for what happened to Tosh and Owen and coming here is the only thing that keeps me sane, grounded, and from shooting him. That's why I'm here and that's why I think you need to be here as well." She stepped closer to him and lowered her voice. "I've seen you Ianto when you think no one is looking. I've seen the side of you that you've kept hidden from everybody and I think it's a mistake because you're hiding away the part that makes you human. I think if you'd just let yourself go then you'd take off your rose colored glasses and see that Jack doesn't care about us and never has. We're like dolls to him expendable and if one of us brakes he can go down to the corner shop and buy a new one." She grew quiet for a long while before speaking again. "We were his team, his family, and yet he didn't trust us. He fired Owen when he stood up to him, called him disloyal, and I was too afraid to stand with him. He said Tosh would fuck any alien that gave her a pretty pendant and none of us were strong enough to stand up for her. Well now they're gone and nothing has changed. He still expects our unwavering loyalty even though we don't get his in return. He knows everything about our lives and all we know about him is that his brother caused our friends' deaths! That, Ianto Jones, is why I'm here! I'm here because I'm sick and tired and empty and this is the only place that makes me feel!"

"He doesn't trust us, does he?" Ianto asked after considering her words. His eyes were drawn to the very human display of brutality happening in the cage. "Feeling….I think that'd be lovely." He brought his eyes to search Gwen's. "I think I'd like to feel again will you show me how?" The smile that blossomed on her face almost took his breath away and for the first time since Tosh and Owen died he felt a spark of something_ real_ deep down in his soul because he wasn't the only one broken. Yes, feeling something, anything, would be lovely indeed.


End file.
